So my sisters have been getting after me about blogging because I've been very negligent I know....so I sat here staring at a blank page for a while, and the first thing that came to mind was this simple phrase, "I miss the days when things were different." Let me explain. I actually remember a time when Jenna and I were probably around the ages of 11-12 and we were sitting downstairs in the basement of the 1201 house watching some show, and there was a girl on it that looked like she was in her late 20's probably and I remember saying, "I can't wait until I'm like 26 or 27 because then I can do whatever I want." and I remember Jenna saying, "I don't, because then you're old." Well guess what? I turned 26 this year, and not that I'm old, I'm still a "spring chicken" as my Mom would say but I feel like things are different now. I have so many more responsibilities now, I'm married now for one. Almost for a year now too, which has gone by way too fast. I was just in one of my bff's weddings this weekend too and it was a beautiful wedding, honestly, and they are a beautiful, inspiring couple. You can honestly see how much they love each other when they look at each other. One night when we were getting ready for bed, she said to me, "Before you got married, were you ever sad?" Instantly I knew exactly what she was talking about because we kind of have this weird ESP thing when we speak to each other. I told her yes, I was. I definitely wasn't sad about marrying the man of my dreams. My husband is amazing, honestly, words can't describe how much he inspires me, makes me laugh, or how much I love him. I was sad because a huge milestone in my life was about to be over.
I really dreamed about my wedding my entire life. I specifically remember an instance when I was 5 years old, playing Barbies with Mara and talking about my wedding. And it really is over in the blink of an eye. Over my friends wedding this weekend, we were talking about how a wedding should really span over about 4-5 days because of all the preparation and the time, and the 20+ years you spend fantasizing about this one day that really is all about YOU the BRIDE. And your handsome prince, of course. Let's not forget him. :) And in the span of 12 hours it's over and everyone goes home at the end of the night. It's the most amazing day/night of your life and while you're SO happy that you married the person you've been waiting for your whole life, you're also sad that this amazing day has come and gone just like the rest.
The next milestone my husband I have is babies. People are already asking about when we're going to have them. But, I have to admit that we are both really excited about having them. Baby fever hasn't quite kicked in though, give it another year or so. But, once again I'll be really sad when this milestone comes and goes. It just seems like when I was younger, I was always wishing that I was older, to have more responsibilities, to be on my own. Now, I'm just wishing that time would stop, that I could sit on our back porch with my husband and my family and just drink everything in, before everything changes again. We'll be moving again at the end of this year. We're not sure where we're going, but we should find out here within the next month or so, and things will keep right on rolling. I love going new places and meeting new people. But, I just want to sit still for a while and listen. Does that sound too "Pocahontas"-y? A little bit, I admit.
weeell, for what it's worth, when i was 11 i thought 18 was old. and i understand where you're coming from, but, like you said at the end there, there are great moments happening in your life right now! at this very second, and it's important to appreciate and recognize those while they're occuring, rather than getting caught up thinking about the past. it's a little like what john lennon said, "life is what happens when we're busy making other plans." or you could turn to all sorts of buddhist aphorisms of mindfulness and being "present," or channel their ideas of change as integral to life. when you stop changing, you stop living.
ReplyDelete