Call me a cheater but this post is merely a sounding board for us to chat about a potential sisters' trip. We need to start planning! Due to cost I feel it's prudent to meet on the West Coast- San Fran? Jenna, I know you might be going with Jo soon but I'm pretty sure you'll be fine going back again. That city tends to steal your heart! Plus, I'm pretty sure San Fran with me & Kali would be a different experience than with Jo ;) And Kali, when do you move to AZ? Honestly, I'm thinking this trip may need to happen after the holidays as my weekends are a little crazy until then. But if Kali gets back to me about when she moves perhaps we can set something in motion.
I also thought maybe we could just ask Ma & Pa to pay out way...that could be our Christmas presents. Let me know what you be thinkin...
always,
m
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Dream on....
[WARNING: If you are already in a bad mood, you may not want to read this as it will include quite a bit of gloom and doom b/c I have been in a funk as of late. If you wish to continue reading, do so at your own risk.]
So as of late, I have been in a funk and here's why: I'm recontemplating my career path/choices I made in the past. I remember thinking when I was a sophomore in college, "I'm not gonna worry about that now, I have more time..." or "I'm not gonna make a decision right now on my career, because I have more time, I'll make that decision when I'm ready." That continued for weeks, which then turned into months, which then turned into years, and 5 years later, I am still no closer to having a career than I was when I was 21, thinking those exact same thoughts.
And you know what, it pisses me off. I'm mad at myself for not taking more initiative, doing more research, even doing more soul searching. I'm mad at myself for not finding a true passion/calling and pursuing it, no matter what anyone else said. I've heard some older people say, people in their 50+ say, "Oh, don't worry, I still don't know what I want to do with my life either." That does not comfort me. I don't want to be in my 50's still wondering if I missed some opportunity or over looked my big "ah-hah" moment because I was too busy busting my ass at a $10/hr job. That would just be so sad it's ridiculous, but I think it happens. I think it happens a lot. People get busy living life, and worry more about where their next paycheck is going to come from, instead of finding their niche in life. And I'm starting to wonder if I'm going to be that person, and if I'll always be that person. And it makes me sick. It keeps me awake at night. It makes me feel like a complete loser, and sometimes, it even makes me cry. Not knowing/understanding now looking back, why I got 2 completely useless degrees, that are in NO way marketable in this economy makes me want to scream. I am beyond frustrated. In fact, I have a hard time even talking about this subject out loud, because when I do, I normally burst into very angry tears. I'm mad at myself for not having a back up plan, and for settling for something that was generally easy to get my bachelors in, and not really challenging myself. Grad school is another story, that program was definitely NOT easy.
I also feel misunderstood. My husband has known what he's wanted to do his entire life, and started his journey towards his final goal when he was literally in elementary school; so my predicament is incomprehensible to him. "How can you not know?" He asks, as if I'm from another planet. I wish I was more like him, I wish I had set my sights really high, and just went for it like he did. I wish I had figured it out when I was a child, and then just pursued it, but I didn't.
My question now is, how do I fix this? How do I "pick myself up by the boot straps" as my Mom would say and find my calling? Go back to school? Thought about it, it makes me want to vomit but if that's the only way I can figure it out, than maybe that's my one and only option. Maybe I need to go on a vision quest like the Indians used to, but is that even legal now? Wasn't there peyote involved in vision quests?
I'm obviously just going through some major growing pains right now, and I probably need to stop thinking so much and just do something about it before my head explodes. It sounds so simple, but is so incredibly hard for me to do. Why? Why is it so hard for me to just pick a USEFUL career and pursue it? A REAL career plan too, not some pipe dream, long shot, billionaire dream of a plan, like becoming the next J.K. Rowling. What are the odds of that actually happening, like 1 in a bazillion? I can't answer that either, maybe I'll find that answer too, on my vision quest.
-K
So as of late, I have been in a funk and here's why: I'm recontemplating my career path/choices I made in the past. I remember thinking when I was a sophomore in college, "I'm not gonna worry about that now, I have more time..." or "I'm not gonna make a decision right now on my career, because I have more time, I'll make that decision when I'm ready." That continued for weeks, which then turned into months, which then turned into years, and 5 years later, I am still no closer to having a career than I was when I was 21, thinking those exact same thoughts.
And you know what, it pisses me off. I'm mad at myself for not taking more initiative, doing more research, even doing more soul searching. I'm mad at myself for not finding a true passion/calling and pursuing it, no matter what anyone else said. I've heard some older people say, people in their 50+ say, "Oh, don't worry, I still don't know what I want to do with my life either." That does not comfort me. I don't want to be in my 50's still wondering if I missed some opportunity or over looked my big "ah-hah" moment because I was too busy busting my ass at a $10/hr job. That would just be so sad it's ridiculous, but I think it happens. I think it happens a lot. People get busy living life, and worry more about where their next paycheck is going to come from, instead of finding their niche in life. And I'm starting to wonder if I'm going to be that person, and if I'll always be that person. And it makes me sick. It keeps me awake at night. It makes me feel like a complete loser, and sometimes, it even makes me cry. Not knowing/understanding now looking back, why I got 2 completely useless degrees, that are in NO way marketable in this economy makes me want to scream. I am beyond frustrated. In fact, I have a hard time even talking about this subject out loud, because when I do, I normally burst into very angry tears. I'm mad at myself for not having a back up plan, and for settling for something that was generally easy to get my bachelors in, and not really challenging myself. Grad school is another story, that program was definitely NOT easy.
I also feel misunderstood. My husband has known what he's wanted to do his entire life, and started his journey towards his final goal when he was literally in elementary school; so my predicament is incomprehensible to him. "How can you not know?" He asks, as if I'm from another planet. I wish I was more like him, I wish I had set my sights really high, and just went for it like he did. I wish I had figured it out when I was a child, and then just pursued it, but I didn't.
My question now is, how do I fix this? How do I "pick myself up by the boot straps" as my Mom would say and find my calling? Go back to school? Thought about it, it makes me want to vomit but if that's the only way I can figure it out, than maybe that's my one and only option. Maybe I need to go on a vision quest like the Indians used to, but is that even legal now? Wasn't there peyote involved in vision quests?
I'm obviously just going through some major growing pains right now, and I probably need to stop thinking so much and just do something about it before my head explodes. It sounds so simple, but is so incredibly hard for me to do. Why? Why is it so hard for me to just pick a USEFUL career and pursue it? A REAL career plan too, not some pipe dream, long shot, billionaire dream of a plan, like becoming the next J.K. Rowling. What are the odds of that actually happening, like 1 in a bazillion? I can't answer that either, maybe I'll find that answer too, on my vision quest.
-K
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